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Give Yourself Credit – You Survived

I am a perfectionist, and I suspect there’s a little bit of perfectionism in all of us.

I mean, we’ve all got that nagging voice in our heads that fears failure. The nerve – it even bugs us in the midst of grief. Depression. Loneliness.

It judges us. It berates us. It tells us everything we are doing wrong. Everything we should be doing right. And everyone who has it all together.

Photo by Alexandro David on

Well, I’m here to say that you should give yourself credit. Even if you aren’t doing grief like your mother or your best friend or your neighbor. Even if you haven’t been out of bed in a week. Even if you still collapse in tears recalling how you missed your father’s last Christmas.

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Super Heroines & Super Grievers: What Happens When We Take Shortcuts

Wonder Woman possessed superhuman strength, the Lasso of Truth, bullet-busting bracelets and an invisible plane, but she was powerless over death.

Spoiler alert ahead: Despite her remarkable powers, she couldn’t bring her true love back from the dead. But oh boy, at the beginning of the latest movie, she certainly wished she could.

Photo by Keenan Constance

The story portrayed in Wonder Woman 1984 released last month to movie goers is fictional, of course, but anyone who has lost a loved one can understand her plight.

It’s instinctive, almost like if we wished hard enough, we could bring them back. We play with the “what ifs,” as though we could time travel. We’d fix the events to avoid our parent’s death.

Or our father’s. Husband’s. Brother’s. Sister’s. Our grandmother’s.

Grief Gone

Wonder Woman got her wish with an assist from an ancient object. She reveled in the return of Steve Trevor, who’d died in the 2017 Wonder Woman movie that featured actress Gal Gadot.

That grief she’d been holding onto for decades – gone. She didn’t look back, until she discovered the power that granted her wish wanted something precious from her in return.

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Rebuilding After the Fire

We’ve been in the fire almost a year now.

The pandemic burned away life as we knew it. But in addition to a collective grief, we’ve fought our own personal, devastating fires.

Do you feel like your life is burning down around you today?

Been there. A few times in my life I’ve felt like my life was being burned to the ground. The death of my father kicked off one of those times.

I pictured myself standing among the charred embers of what had been a house. I was a sole, bereft figure. My sense of security had been incinerated with any idea about how to fix the rip in my soul.

Are you looking around today, seeing everything that gave you comfort, love and purpose in ashes at your feet?

The task to rebuild feels monumental. You don’t know where to begin.

I was 6 years old the year a fire consumed my family’s house in the middle of the night.

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